


Vegemite on WHAT?

by Anonymous



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff, M/M, Slice of Life, This would be a Gen Fic if Shion and Thomas would stop making out in inappropriate places
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-14
Updated: 2020-05-14
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:01:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24182515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: What's pashing? What are Tim Tams? And why is Oliver Barnes the bane of Meian Shuugo's existence?Aka Oliver Barnes is Australian. The MSBY Black Jackals suffer.
Relationships: Inunaki Shion/Adriah Thomas, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 23
Kudos: 127
Collections: Anonymous





	Vegemite on WHAT?

**Author's Note:**

> A little self indulgent writing warm up (and also my Adriah x Inunanki agenda) because Oliver Barnes is AUSTRALIAN and a HIMBO dammit

"Captain, we need to talk about Barnes". Inunaki seems distressed. As a general rule, distressed Inunaki means that Tomas is nearby, lurking as well as 6'7 could possibly hope to. Whatever happens next, Meian hopes his death is swift and painless.

"What about him? He's playing fine and works seamlessly on the team. I know he's made a few remarks about your height but I'm sure those have been lost in transla-". Meian stops himself as Inunaki's expression morphs from sad puppy dog eyes to the stirrings of crazed chihuahua.

"Look, I like Barnes, despite how freakishly tall he is. But, you cannot deny that you'd rather receive 20 consecutive whistle serves from Fukuro than see him put that black goop he calls 'Vegemite' on tuna onigiri again." Meian looks at Inunaki's angry face and tries very hard to not think of the video of the angry small Pomeranian that Bokuto showed him yesterday. Heheh. Angry little borks. Inunaki's ranting trickles back into Meian's ears, invading the precious happy place he was creating with the Pomeranian video. Goodnight sweet prince indeed, back to the less adorable, but equally fluffy and angry libero in front of him. Why was he talking about onigiri? Wait now it's something else.

"...and yesterday I caught him putting it on okonomiyaki! Okonomiyaki! He said it tasted better than the sauce! Captain, talk to him about it." And with that, Inunaki leaves in a huff. Meian still has no clue what he was talking about. Fuc-

\---

He wasn't no blasphemer or sinner. Despite this, the Gods have apparently decided to take an extended vacation from Meian's life anyway, as he stares down Miya Atsumu and Bokuto Koutarou in front of their gym. It is 7:00 in the morning, and Meian is violently reminded of the tacky t-shirts Barnes wears with butchered English phrases on them. "No Talk Me, I Need Coffee" was feeling pretty accurate about now.

"Miya-kun, Bokkun, can I help you?" he askes, with zero intention to actually be helpful.

"Meian-san. No. _Meian-senpai,"_ Atsumu looks genuinely pained. 9 o'clock Meian will be doing cartwheels at the memory of his expression. "We need yer help. Yew need ta stage an int'rvention...For Barnes-san. He well..."

"HE'S TERRIFYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Bokuto's voice and volume fills the cold morning air like bubbles overflowing from a bathtub. Most things about Bokuto remind Meian of bubbles. He makes a mental note to start adding IQ tests to the Black Jackals recruitment requirements. "Yesterday, post practise, Barnsey-san locked all of us in the equipment gym and demanded to know **'which one of youse ate all me Tim Tams???'** Meian-san, I don't even know who a Tim Tam is!!! Plus it was so totally obvious that Wansan had done it but all of us are even more scared of him and now none of us can come to practise this morning because Barnsey threatened to **'crack the shits** ' on us if we didn't tell him who ate his Tim Tams but we DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY ARE."

Bokuto's rambling finally comes to a stop just as his face was starting to turn blue. Meian mentally highlights _IQ TESTS_ and calculates that the fastest way out of this conversation was just to agree to whatever Tweedledum and Tweedledumber were asking of him. "Alright, I'll see what I can d-". He is cut off by a joyous cheer and a hoot as two pro-volleyballers worth of muscle knocks him over. The only consolation his scraped palms and bruised tailbone gets is the knowledge that in 20 minutes, all of them but Meian will find themselves running laps in the freezing cold.

\---

Meian was going to talk to Barnes. He was definitely not at all nervous about talking to Barnes because he's 29 going on 90 and the Captain of the second best team in the V-League and how pesky could one Australian and his odd eating habits be? Before he could have that conversation with his inner demon (who now has speaking with a Kansai-ben, go figure) Barnes rounds the corner.

"Shugo Dudego! What's up?" Meian is immediately overcome with the urge to throw Barnes off a cliff. _Wow._ How does Inunaki live like this?

"Barnes-kun, do you have a moment?" he says instead of resorting to bodily violence. The nearest cliff is also at least a 2 hour drive from here.

"Yeah mate what's up?" Barnes is as cheerful as always. Meian wants him dead.

"You see uh 'mate', Inunaki-kun has approached me to talk to you abou-". He is cut off by Barnes's sudden exclamation. After 10 years of playing with the Black Jackals, Meian thinks he should stop trying to speak in full sentences.

"Look Dudego, I know what you're about to say". Barnes interjects.

"You do? Well that's a relief, I'm sur-"

"Yeah! I caught him and Adriah pashing in the change rooms once. He squawked about it a fair bit but I reckon he and I are fine now. I just told him. Mate, if ya gonna be shagging, don't do it in the change rooms!"

"Wait. What is pashing? What's shagging?" Seeing the look of glee as Barnes opens his mouth to answer, Meian immediately regrets his decision. "You know what? Don't answer that. I needed to talk to you about something else. What Inunaki wanted me to actually talk about i-"

"OI! I know! Was it the time I saw him and Adriah pashing before the Falcons game?"

"No, it's abo..." Before the match with the Red Falcons? _T_ _hat's_ why Tomas was 'sick'?

"Ah I gotcha now, its the time I saw them going at it in the back of their car!" Meian needed to stop him right now before he got a complete catalogue of every single time his libero and middle blocker have apparently laid their filthy paws on each other.

"No!! Barnes just listen. The way you uhh...have interesting...tendencies towards food is off putting for some of the team." Barnes cocks his head like a golden retriever who has not retrieved any gold, and is instead presenting its owner with a steaming pile of shit. Meian mentally underlines **IQ TESTS**. "Look, food is important right? Sometimes even culturally? Like you with your uhh..."

"TIM TAMS, YEAHHHHH DUDEGO" At this point, he doesn’t even fight it anymore. Meian Dudego has a nice ring to it, Fukuro probably wouldn’t even make fun of him for it. Maybe.

“Yes like your Tim Tams, which is why when you eat certain food combinations that don’t make sense to us, people can sometimes get a little… sensitive. Like Vegemite with onigiri. Or Vegemite with okonomiyaki. Or Vegemite with tonkatsu. Or Vegemite with anything really.”

“Mateeeee, I totally get what you’re saying and I’m glad you’re the one to bring it up. Wasn’t sure if you’d get crook at me for mentioning it but I’m happy ya did.” Finally, Meian gets a glimpse at Heaven. The angels sing, the light is bright, the sound of Oliver Barnes formally resigning from the MSBY Black Jackals is filtering through his ears. Hold on. HOLD ON.

“You can’t be serious? You’re leaving the team?” he asks, visibly shocked. How was he meant to break this to management? _Hi sorry I think I just lost us the best chance of winning the V-League we've had in 5 years. Why you ask? Oh it was about onigiri._

“Deadset mate. Gotta be honest, I’m well knackered from how much we play and travel, and I think its ‘bout time I went bush for a bit. Really immerse myself in the culture of Japan, reckon I’ve gotta fair bit to learn. It’s what ya said right? I gotta get closer to the culture here, and I can’t do that if I’m flat out playing volleyball all the time. Of course I’ll feel devo leaving the team, but it’ll only be for 6 months at most, just enough time to really find myself”. Barnes bounds off happily, like an overgrown puppy with a penchant for making the lives of volleyball captains come closer each day to hell. Did they just lose their Opposite Hitter to a 'spiritual journey'? What the actual fu-

\---

Hinata Shoyo joins the Black Jackals 2 months later. Meian moves his retirement 5 years earlier. Fuck these kids.

**Author's Note:**

> yes im aussie, yes i hate vegemite, we exist <3


End file.
